To dare is to lose its footing for a moment – not to dare is to lose oneself.
Whether you are currently in a relationship or single, then ‘you might want to experience more love, sex and fun in relation to a boyfriend / partner / husband / wife (then girlfriend). Truly to love and be loved is a wonderful gift that can not be replaced to something else in life.
The love between you and any children can be just as big and important as compared to a girlfriend, yes for some people it may be the greatest, and if you have experienced such failures associated with lovers, yes you can love your children perceived as the only completely safe, secure, love in the world. Love for his children is and must obviously be something other than love between 2 adults. Especially for the children’s sake it is good that the adults are careful not to confuse the two needs for love together. The more parents seek to recoup the need to share the love grow, the more free the children to live their lives and not on a subconscious level, taking care that the parent – while offering parent more love to give ‘kids.
Consider for a moment:
- What would happen if you actually said yes to another man – did you heeeeeelt to your / a girlfriend?
We humans have a complex nature and conflicting needs. We need cohesion, peace and love on the one hand and simultaneously, we need freedom, individualism and change on the other side. Some of you might rejoice and be really glad to give you all the way, dancing on the table and bubbling with delight, or perhaps be nice warm and soft-hearted and experience peace and strength?! And while there may be something in you that resists, gets scared, uncomfortable or claustrophobic “let me get away.” This is true for many people so completely inside, but often at an unconscious level. Typically it becomes that there is anything wrong with the (potential) girlfriend (s) or relationship. It can be done even after you have been together for many years.
The more you have missed to love and be loved – the greater the discomfort may be in the vicinity, by allowing yourself to experience love. When you have fulfilled your need for love and closeness – then relax the body and psyche of – and so can the pain of the old want or the bad experience get room to turn up! This applies even if you have not noticed any missing or thought you had put a lid on (which is something other than to process and get things done) – we humans have many different defense mechanisms that can prevent us from feeling our feelings into medium, they can get to trip up the contact and love to yourself and to others.
There are various reasons for resistance to giving himself up to love and be loved:
- The most common reason is that the former have been injured and / or witnessed the not-loved or not-good-enough: typically a pattern formed in childhood and moves into adulthood. For example if you have had bad experiences with a close relationship, it can be ex-girlfriends, parents or other persons who have been important to you. It may be you have been overlooked or not seen as you was that you have been criticized, been treated badly mentally and / or physically, may have been abandoned or sent away for a period or permanently, or you may have lost one of its loved ones by an illness or death, and there has not been addressed properly grief
- Many people are afraid to give herself to a boyfriend basically out of fear of losing oneself. For an American book title, “Do I abandon myself to be loved by you?” The answer is a resounding no. Love has nothing to do with giving up themselves – quite the opposite, so it’s just about being yourself. If you do not show your girlfriend, you are also fully behind the masks – then you will never feel completely loved! The trick is finding the balance where you are resting in yourself and stand by your needs and also meet you in your boyfriend’s world and to some extent, satisfy its needs – to the extent where you feel joy and love at it: as soon you move over to make things out of duty or fear of consequences such that your boyfriend gets angry or sad – yes you have given up something of yourself – and that is poison to both your self-esteem and your relationship. It will also cause you albeit unconsciously think your boyfriend owes you anything.
- Another common reason to have resistance to indulge in a love relationship is a lack of positive role models. Perhaps you are disillusioned about relationships from her own life and / or others. Parents were divorced or perhaps had a relationship with each other, where love disappeared from sight in the form of criticism, conflicts, coldness, infidelity, indifference, lack of care and intimacy and the like. In previous generations, couples often work community more than a place where people cultivated and nurtured love. This kind of relationship is still fairly common, although conditions in the present largely dissolves when one or both do not want the daily grind and lack of spark more …
- A third reason is probably more common than we realize. This is where the instinctive nervous system that controls bodily survival and reproduction (autonomic nervous system), has come out of self-regulation. This can happen if you have been exposed to events that have been too much, too fast, too early (shock trauma) – that was too overwhelming, which is a blockage in this part of the nervous system. Usually in the form of both the brake and accelerator are depressed simultaneously. This means that you can get harder to handle situations similar to deadlock example, a regular partner or a partner who does not clearly express in words and deeds that is the only one (has shock trauma, can become more vigilant For example jealous). It may also mean that one can have a tendency to do (emotionally) dramas – that you unconsciously seeking great intensity, basically in order to feel alive.
Ways to give you more up anyway
Although you may have resistance to experience love in relationship with a girlfriend, so there are various things you can do to make it happen anyway. As a prince in the tale, which shall only be through various hardships before he gets the princess and half the kingdom. You can for example
- Use both the main and friends to consider: is this good girlfriend for me. What are the objective facts? Is there agreement between actions and words? Sometimes you can not until quite know whether it is the right partner when you’re partway into the relationship and first love is about to evaporate. The typical intersection is about 3 months and 1 year.
- Use your courage to choose love, although it may feel risky: Where Nothing ventured – nothing gained (do not wait on another “liberate” you … unless you are VERY patient!)
- Use your head to discover what are your reasons to resist intimacy and love (protect yourself), any talking. with others about it. What are your stories and experiences and what conclusions / beliefs have provided you with these? Take possibly some new, more constructive decisions
- Ask yourself if you encounter resistance to devote yourself to a girlfriend: “what’s the worst that can happen to me right here?” Remember you are an adult, and probably more skills now. I love life, there are no guarantees best strategy is to handle things as they come. A refusal to do such evil only when it means that you deny yourself – or if you think the other is the only way you can experience the love of
- Be aware of your reactions and actions. Allow yourself to feel the (old) feelings and possible. resistance, but do not let them control your behavior – indulge anyway
- And remember: give yourself “pat” for every step you take – you might be out on new territory!
- Seek doctor. therapy to complete the past and learn new things, so you can become even better able to live your life right now and experience love fully – whether you’re single and want a girlfriend or you’re in a relationship. Your boyfriend and you can also get professional help together to cultivate the love and spark to each other. It is somewhat easier to maintain and enhance a good relationship, than to have to revive a (half) dead.
In a love relationship, you are vulnerable and do not complete check of everything – it’s the cool and sometimes it is hard!
Live while you do it – Love while you dare!